80s Aussie BBQ

Found this in an old box after the sale of a Hunter Valley winery.

Can't you just hear the song, "April Sun in Cuba":

Take me to the April Sun in Cuba, wo-oh-oah! Take me where the April sun gonna treat me so right. So right.

What happened next???

As our ol' PM Bob Hawke said back in 1983:

"Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum."

P.s. Double click photo to get the full effect!

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Deeply superficial Rosé

Reading Tracey Emin's Guardian column, "My Life in a Column" made me think about Rosé.

I'm at my studio. I'm half a bottle of rosé down. It's five o'clock. It's Friday afternoon and it's Crackerjack time. Fuck it, I make my own invitations. I phone J Sheekey and book a table for six for 10pm.

Then, slowly, everyone at the table is transformed from ghostly apparitions to really good, close friends.

At that, I demand to know where my food is, to find I have already eaten it, and have already paid the bill, and have knocked back half a bottle of dessert wine on top of the three bottles of rosé. Nice one Trace. Really cool. See how you've got a grip of things?

What I don't like in a Rosé - apart from it being too easy to drink. I don't like Rosé that had confectionary coconut-ice characters, tasted like lolly water, had a fluorescent colour, or a strawberry lipgloss aftertaste.

Theory of Capacity by Len Evans

The Len Evans
THEORY OF CAPACITY

1. There is an awful lot of wine in the world, but there is also a lot of awful wine.

2. No sensible person drinks to excess. Therefore any one person can drink only a certain predictable amount.

3. There are countless flavours, nuances, shades of wine; endless varieties, regions, styles. You have neither the time nor the capacity to drink them all.

4. To make the most of the time left to you, you must start by calculating your future capacity. One bottle of wine a day is 365 bottles a year. If your life expectancy is another thirty years, there are only 10,000-odd bottles ahead of you.

5. People who say, “You can’t drink the good stuff all the time” are talking rubbish. You must drink good stuff all the time. Every time you drink a bottle of inferior wine it’s like smashing a superior bottle against the wall. The pleasure is lost forever. You can’t get the bottle back.

6. There are people who build up huge cellars, most of which they have no hope of drinking. They are foolish in overestimating their capacity, but they err on the right side and their friends love them.

7. There are also people who don’t want to drink good wine and are happy with the cheapies. I forgive them. There are others who are content with beer and spirits. I can’t worry about everybody.

8. Wine is not meant to be enjoyed merely for its own sake, it is the key to love and laughter with friends, to the enjoyment of food and beauty and humour and art and music. It rewards us far beyond its cost.

9. What part is wine of your life? Ten per centum? Then ten per centum of your income should be spent on wine.

10. The principles of the theory should be applied to other parts of life. A disciple of the theory kissed a beautiful young lady, who demurred. He was aghast and said, “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’ve worked out that I can make love only another 1,343 times… and I’m bloody sure I’m not wasting one on you.”


RIP Len (1930-2006)

Top 5 Songs on Drinking

So you thought I was going to mention Red Red Wine? No, sorry. I refuse to listen to songs I've heard in either a Westfield Shopping Mall or blaring out of the strip clubs while walking home through Kings Cross. And I've heard this song in both.

Instead, TA-DA!, here are my (totally subjective) top 5 songs about drinking...

5. All I Wanna Do is Have Some Fun – Sheryl Crow

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Yes, yes, you I can hear you groan, so what? Are you serious? But when you really listen, who hasn’t been there in their early twenties, drinking beers while travelling? Listening to it now, it seems like an absolute luxury sitting in a bar talking to local characters. I first heard this when I was 19 and walking around Rome and it seemed like everyone was listening to it. It’s almost Dionysion; under the happy upbeat guitar there’s something dark and maudlin going on when you really listen:

“All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die, says the man next to me, from I don’t know where. Apropos of nothing, he says his name is William but I'm sure it's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy… I wonder if he’s had a day of fun in his whole life… We are drinking beer on noon on Tuesday.”

The unexpected philosophical musings of Sheryl Crow leads to number 4 on my list:

4. The Power of Positive Drinking – Lou Reed

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“I don’t like mixers... or sob sisters.”

I hear you, Lou.

This song is really a catalogue of all the different characters and reasons why people drink. You’ll hear every line you have heard from every old man and publican at a bar, like the classic:

“Some people ruin their drink with ice, then they ask you for advice. I've never told this to anyone else before...”

Lou Reed, he's just a got face you can trust.

3. Two More Bottles of Wine – Emmylou Harris

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Ahhh, a sad little country tune from the country musician’s musician. Things are pretty bad for Emmy Lou working in a warehouse in outer LA, her boyfriend’s left her but “everything’s alright because it’s midnight and I got two more bottles of wine”. Emmy Lou is seeing in the sunrise. Hopefully.

2. Barfly – Ray LaMontagne

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Did Ray LaMontagne watch the original Barfly movie before he wrote this mellow work? It’s as if he has channelled Charles Bukowski's spirit and put it in a song; the jack daniels guitar, the soft drums, the thin wire of grief in his voice. The bar stools are packed up on the tables for the night and he’s still there sitting over the last drops of whiskey in his ice.

1. Too drunk to f**k – Dead Kennedys/Nouvelle Vague

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This Nouvelle Vague version of this song reminds me of a great party and having crazy conversations with the funniest girl who didn’t give a shit what people thought because she’s from out of town. And I danced all night. Both versions have all the rollercoaster emotions razorsharp. And let’s face it, at least it’s honest - "Sorry nup just can’t I’ve had 16 beers fallin down stairs - you're out of luck."

Honourable mention: Tom Waits, because I couldn’t choose one song; nearly every song could have made the top five. Even Waltzing Matilda could have been on this list, the way he sings it. Here’s my favourite Tom Waits song…The Piano has been drinking. (Not me.)

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I know there are so many songs I’ve missed, so let me know your favourites.

Why not?

"Wino, kobiety i śpiew"
("Wine, Women & Song" in Polish)

No, I can't speak Polish. But if I could, I'd prefer this title for the blog. Can you see why? It just sounds like the sequence of events on a big night out.

I bring the wine (the wino I am), lose my sobriety ("yeah, yeah sure I'm kobiety) and... um, you can work out the rest.

So. Why am I writing a blog when I write about wine all day? Well, I still love the stuff. In Vino Veritas. In wine is truth.

So let's get to the bottom of the bottle together! Why not?

Love
jmd